Yeah, I know, it's usually the reverse. Mommy takes the kids, and Daddy sends a check once a month. But in the wake of our marital disaster I was working full time and my ex wasn't. So, in the post-apocalyptic relationship fall-out, he retained primary physical custody — the kids lived with him, and I'd see them a few days a week. This was the case for a variety of reasons, namely that I had no place to live on the kibbutz, and that I was working long hours in Tel Aviv — which, without a car, might as well be worlds away.
The split was traumatic enough for the kids, and yanking them out of their community would have made it worse for everyone. So, we muddled along and it was what it was. I worked a steady job and sent a steady check. He worked freelance and picked the kids up from preschool. It wasn't perfect, but it was good enough.
Because it all comes down to this: even though my ex and I are not together, when it comes to the financial peaks and pitfalls of parenting, we are tethered until the day our kids start supporting us. And if we share physical custody of our kids, then it makes absolute 100% sense to share monetary custody the same way. He has a budget on the kibbutz, and once a month there needs to be enough money in that budget to pay for everything. And in order to make sure we aren't in the red, that budget relies on two paychecks. His and mine. Period. The end.
I walked out of my house and left my husband and kids, My son the cross-dresser) recently wrote about her experience as a mother who pays child support to her ex-husband — and not the other way around:Offbeat Mama contributor Sarah Tuttle-Singer (
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